just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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