i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
