Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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