I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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