So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
