Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
