he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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