dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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