You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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