hotel room ftw
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
