2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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