I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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