I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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