my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
