so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
