I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
