don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
