he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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