In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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