the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
