C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
