You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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