woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize
