He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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