too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
