just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
