JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
