Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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