i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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