Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
