If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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