out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
