the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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