i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You're like the curious george of whores
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
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