she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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