I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
