you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
