Screwed.edu
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
