remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
