it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
