Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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