I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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