theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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