i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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