im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
