Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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