So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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