I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
