and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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