I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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