I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
