I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
