You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
pray to the hookup gods
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
