just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
